After walking the path of Ayahuasca for almost two decades now, I’ve found that often, when we relate to Ayahuasca as medicine, calling her “La Medicina,” we confuse her purpose and misunderstand her truest nature. Ayahuasca is a spiritual path, not a magic pill or an experience that will magically fix us. Though healing occurs while drinking Ayahuasca, it is not the goal, nor the destination. It is a symptom of walking the path with sincerity and dedication.

I often hear participants or those who have walked away from this path say that it essentially “didn’t work”. That they didn’t change, or the results they were after did not materialize. “I have sat in this many ceremonies – and I didn’t change”… 

This point of view shows us a profound misunderstanding of what it means to walk this path: expecting ‘magical results’ or a quick-fix solution that will happen on its own simply by virtue of drinking Ayahuasca.

First, we have to understand the purpose of an entheogen such as Ayahuasca. It is important to mention that Ayahuasca is an entheogen, not a psychedelic or a hallucinogen; those have different end goals and operate dramatically differently. An Entheogen – En-Theos – (Into-God) is meant to help you reconnect to your Divine Spark – to bring you into contact with the I-Am-Presence, which simply means – the mirror of your soul. Touching this place has no other purpose than mirroring the transient spirit and temporal mind in the mirror of the eternity of your soul. The role of Ayahuasca is simply to reveal, to help you see the movement and ever-changing patterns within your mind. It cannot, and will not, actively make changes. It only reflects. The changes occur as a result of this impact: what you have seen, how you choose to react or respond, how you integrate, and how you apply these teachings back into your day-to-day life. Expecting a mirror to do anything other than reflect is just another immature reaction from the mind. Another childish excuse to stay just as you are. 

Insight is not transformation - You can have an extraordinary realization and remain exactly the same. Transformation happens when insight becomes action, practice, and discipline. When what you saw leads to different choices, and eventually, a different way of living. 

To understand why we confuse insight with transformation, or expect Ayahuasca to magically fix us, we first have to understand how deep our defensiveness goes. How much resistance we have within us, and how easy it is for the mind to bypass and even ignore the calling for change that occurs within ceremony. 

Our wounds and defense mechanisms often run deep. Years of constructs and patterns built to obscure deep-rooted pain, masks upon masks concealing shame and fear, childhood trauma and loneliness. An insatiable need to be seen and feel special. The ego, often called the Devil’s advocate, is used to standing in this kind of court – where its actions are seen and reflected upon. It is built as a defense mechanism that lives in the constant need to look for evidence of being discounted. A constant need for external validation, or the obsessive judgment and comparison to others. 

Though when ingesting an entheogen, the courtroom is internal, the ego’s response is exactly the same: “I Object!”

This “objection” can appear in many forms. Whether you see angelic beings and take that to mean you are chosen, special, or a “gift to humanity”, whether you see your wounding and trauma leading to further victimhood or blame, or whether you simply see your patterns and ignore them as soon as clarity dissipates and you return to your daily life. 

When we are in ceremony, we have a profound sense of clarity and centeredness. We face the mirror, and for a brief moment, we see ourselves without a filter. Just as we are. And here lies the challenge. Can you just see yourself as you are? Without interpretation, without commentary, without the incessant objection of the mind. Learning how to learn without reaction, learning to see without the need to respond and analyze, find solutions or search for explanations. 

The first step would be to realize that, though I am standing in front of a mirror, I am wearing colored lensed glasses. I am looking at my reflection, but through the eyes of my defenses, my need for attention, my ego’s craving for specialness, my smallness and fears. I don’t see myself… I see my patterns and almost robotic automations.

The mirror doesn’t offer you visions as a form of entertainment or a reflection of how special you are… the mirror reflects how your mind responds. How your internal process is moving within the stillness of your soul. Helping you peel through the many layers of defense that have been built throughout your life. The entheogen helps your mind to filter a little less… dazzling you with visions so your mind can gasp with stillness. 

If you take Ayahuasca to be a psychedelic experience, a trip, then anything you’ll experience will ultimately “miss the mark”. If you go to the gym once and expect a six-pack or a lifestyle of fitness and health, no matter how incredible that one workout was, that expectation is childish and absolutely unrealistic. The gym was never meant for a one-time pop-in visit… it was meant to condition your body and mind. To help you develop the mindset that can choose actions that lead to fitness and a lifestyle of health.

How many workouts until I am fit? How many push-ups do I need to do to be healthy? How many times do I need to go to the gym until I am fit enough and stop going? 

Can you have the same attitude towards drinking Ayahuasca in ceremony? When will I be awakened? How many cups until I’m happy? How many times do I need to purge until I am fully healed?… 

If you relate to a spiritual path as a goal, as having a definite destination, or even a fixed purpose, walk away; this path is not for you. You are relating to it with material eyes, and thus even if you have sat in hundreds of ceremonies, you have never truly experienced Ayahuasca; you’ve only seen a distorted version of yourself within her mirror.  

When I meet people who reach this point, they often choose between two reactions. They either have the courage to stand in their own truth and say, I couldn’t face myself in this mirror; this form of spiritual practice just doesn’t work for me; I couldn’t find the strength to take action and allow the impact of the mirror to translate into my daily life. Or, obviously, the other reaction, which is blaming the mirror. Ayahuasca doesn’t work - “he who cannot dance puts the blame on the floor”. After so many years of doing this work, it saddens me to see how often this response can come from those who sat in many ceremonies, yet apparently refused to take even the first step of this journey.

Ayahuasca is not a shortcut. Though it may accelerate awareness, reveal patterns, or confront you with truths that might otherwise take years to recognize, it requires tremendous courage to actually take action and work through everything you get to see and reveal within your own sense of self. It requires patience, deep emotional maturity, and years of meditation, therapy, and inner work to help us truly confront the mechanisms of our mind. Ayahuasca cannot do the work for you. It can illuminate the shadows; it can show you where the wound is, where you are hiding, what you are repeating, or what needs attention. But you still have to respond and take action. You have to become an active participant in your own healing journey. Letting go of victimhood and the expectation that someone else will heal you, fix you, or change you. Neither Ayahuasca nor any external teacher or teaching can ever do that for you. Ayahuasca is not a shortcut; it is a compass and a map, a tool used to navigate the hidden terrain of the mind. 

Ceremony Begins When Ceremony Ends – Ayahuasca points the way; it is not the final destination. When the ceremony ends, the real work begins. The application of all that was shown and seen is reflected back at you. Often, participants refer to the post-ceremony as a time of integration. We come out of the ceremony with “to-do” lists: call your mom, pay your long-overdue bills, clean your house, go to the gym… etc. We journal, meditate, go to therapy, but integration isn’t only a process that occurs within the conscious mind or as a result of conscious action. If ceremony is a lab, integration is putting yourself back into the field of life. Witnessing the changes that occurred and are occurring as a result of the impact of seeing yourself in the mirror. Integration is defined as combining separate parts to make a single, working whole. On the surface, you take certain actions that result from what you’ve seen, but most of the integration process remains unseen to you. It unfolds through slow organic changes within your subconscious mind, changed and affected by witnessing its own shadow. Integration of entheogenic work is a whole topic on its own and deserves much deeper attention. But in relation to what I’ve written here, there is one important distinction to make. Integration isn’t only a function of time. The frequency of coming to ceremony is not determined by the perceived percentage of integration you’ve made since your last cup. Again, that implies a misunderstanding of the role Ayahuasca plays as a spiritual path. Similar to the analogy of the gym, if I wait three months to integrate every workout, I’ll never become fit; my lifestyle will never reflect health. Ceremony and integration go hand in hand; the seen and the unseen, the path is walked not only in ceremony. When Ayahuasca becomes your spiritual path, it is a lifestyle; it is walked when ingesting the sacrament and when living outside of its immediate inspiration. There isn’t a clear distinction between the two; in other words, life is ceremony. The understanding that life is sacred and each and every situation happens not to us, but for us, as seen and reflected when looking at the mirror of the soul.

In the years of drinking and serving Ayahuasca, I’ve often heard people say things like Ayahuasca told me not to drink anymore, or I am complete; I have arrived or another common one - Ayahuasca doesn’t work. All variations of the same simple truth: this isn’t your path. You are choosing to find your growth elsewhere. There are infinite paths leading toward the same ultimate truth, the infinite nature of our soul. Whether you choose Ayahuasca as a mirror, yoga, meditation, working out, or painting, if you are sincere and want to grow, you’ll find growth wherever you go. If you are not… no matter what mirror is placed in front of you, your lie will always be revealed in one way or another. If it’s not Ayahuasca, it will be something else or someone else who will carry the blame for your smallness and limited sense of self. If you choose to walk a spiritual path, choose radical sincerity and the willingness to look within. End the cycle of victimhood and take full responsibility for your actions and ultimately the course of your life.

Ayahuasca is not medicine… it isn’t a magic pill, just as no other spiritual path is. They all carry the same requirement – the willingness to see and accept the reflection in the mirror without distortion, just as it is. Blaming the mirror will never help you see better or more clearly. Blaming the mirror just means you have yet to find the courage to face yourself as you are.

Though, for me, I have chosen Ayahuasca as the mirror I find most inspiring for my own personal growth, I’ve stood in front of many different mirrors throughout my life. I’ve practiced so many different spiritual paths and traditions, eventually finding Ayahuasca to be the closest to my heart. Yet I’ve also found it truly isn’t everyone’s cup of tea… it isn’t an easy path; it is very demanding and requires a deep willingness to commit to the inner study of self. It requires a lot of discipline and maturity; if you are new to spiritual life, I would definitely recommend starting elsewhere. Once you’ve walked the landscapes of your resistance, your victimhood, and your defenses, it might be a better fit. 

It took me years to accept the reflection I got to see in ceremonies, the hard truths that Ayahuasca revealed, and the depth of my own patterns and wounding. It is never-ending, and though I've been sitting in ceremonies for years, I always feel like I’ve only scratched the surface. 

Thank you, Ayahuasca, for your infinite patience, for mirroring without judgment, 
and for trusting that I will eventually see myself as you see me – 
just as I am.